He Loves You Better
by SammieRie
Summary: Songfic to an original song, "He Loves You Better". Covers Santana's journey of accepting herself, her love for Brittany, and the development of their relationship. R&R. Brittana.
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys! I'm finally back! I may take awhile to update, but I already have the second part done. This is a Brittana fic I wrote as a songfic to a song I had written about a friend. She went boy-crazy for a while. Anyway, each chapter I post will be one verse/chorus, with storylines to accompany it. Hope you enjoy!

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**He Loves You Better**

_You said I never have to be strong by myself_

Brittany and Santana were sitting next to each on the bus for cheer. They were on their way to the state cheer competition. They were listening to Santana's iPod, each with one headphone in. Santana had decided they should listen to Lady Gaga's latest album, Born This Way, to get pumped for the day. They had sat next to each other, alternately holding pinkies or texting each other, for most of the album. The song "Scheiße" came on and Santana chuckled, texting Britt, "This song is so dirty... ;)" Britt brushed her hand across San's leg, giving her a teasing look, before replying "I wonder what she's saying..." San just shrugged and grabbed Britt's pinkie. She started to stare out the window and during the chorus she dropped Britt's pinkie without realizing it. Britt could tell she was deep in thought, so she nudged her and sent her a text asking, "What?" Santana jumped back to reality, stared at Britt confused, then felt her phone vibrate in her lap and looked to see what was going on. "I don't know, Britt. That line just really spoke to me. 'I wish I could be strong without somebody there.'" Britt was slightly puzzled at first, but then smiled to herself as she replied, "You never have to be strong by yourself, San. I'll always hold you up. Just like the cheer pyramid, you got me and Quinn to support you." Santana squeezed Brittany's hand, smiled at her, and said "Thanks, Britt-Britt." Oh, how she wanted to kiss her right then...

_When someone knocks me down, you'll always pick me up_

Santana put her History book in her locker and grabbed her Algebra book for homework. She smiled at the pictures of her and Brittany hanging on the inside, then closed her locker. As she turned to walk down the hall to meet Britt, cherry syrup stung her eyes and stained her cheer uniform. She rubbed the icy syrup out of her eyes just in time to see a pair of cheerleaders walk out the door laughing. As she slumped down against the lockers, she felt not just the cold of the slushie, but the cold of the world. She sat on the floor and cried.

Brittany leaned against her locker with a sigh. She pulled out her phone to see if Santana had texted her. She saw it was 3:20, school got out ten minutes ago, and Santana should have met up with her by now. She took off walking towards her locker, worried about what had kept her. As she turned the corner, she saw Santana hunched over on the ground, shoulders heaving. She was wet and her hair was starting to frizz. There were red stains on her uniform, and Brittany immediately knew what was wrong. She rushed over and offered out her hand for her friend. "C'mon, San, let's go get you cleaned up," Brittany said with a gentle smile. She should have kissed her then...

_But this time it was you to throw the punch_

"Hi," Santana breathed out anxiously, approaching Brittany's locker.

"Hey," Brittany whispered shyly, pulling a book out.

Santana looked down and managed shakily, "Can we talk?"

"But we never do that," Brittany looked away, putting her book back in her locker.

Santana let out a short sigh and tilted her head guiltily. With a slight quiver of her lip, Santana spoke softly, "I know, but umm, I wanted to thank you for performing that song for me in glee club."

"Yeah…" Brittany barely breathed. She nodded slowly and fixed her eyes intently on Santana's. Her face was suddenly filled with worry, as if anticipating gruesome news.

"Because it's made me do a lot of thinking. What I realized," Santana took a shaky breath in and locked eyes, "is why I'm such a bitch all the time. I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all of these feelings." She looked away, folding her hands in her lap. Her fingers locked together nervously. "Feelings for you." The final word came with a slow and solid nod, but her eyes flew away. "That I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences." Santana looked up, shaking her head in a sense of forfeiting a match. "Brittany, I can't go to the Indigo Girl's concert, I just can't."

"I understand that," Brittany nodded with support, her voice even quieter than before.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Santana asked with furrowed brows and an insecure, questioning look. She bit her lower lip as Brittany slowly shook her head.

"No, not really." Brittany shrugged apologetically and Santana took a breath, bracing herself.

"I want to be with you," Santana blurted while blinking tears back. "But, I'm afraid of the talks, and the looks. I mean, you know what happened to Kurt at this school."

Brittany looked away but then locked eyes again, giving a reassuring defiance. "But honey, if anybody were ever out to make fun of you, you would either kick their ass or slash them with your vicious, vicious words."

Santana darted her eyes at the ground, her forehead gathering lines of sorrow as she choked, "Yeah, I know, but…" She paused to calm her sniffles. "I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back. Still I have to accept that I love you," Santana gasped and her lower lip trembled violently. "I love you, and I don't want to be with Sam, Finn, or any of those other guys. I just want you. Please say you love me back. Please."

Brittany pulled in closer, firmly declaring, "Of course I love you, I do. And I would totally be with you if it weren't for Artie."

"Artie?" Santana questioned as she pulled back, shaking her head in bewilderment.

"I love him too," Brittany continued despite Santana's disgusted expression. "I don't want to hurt him; that's not right. I can't break up with him."

Immediately Santana pressed, "Yes you can. He's just a stupid boy."

"But it wouldn't be right. Santana, you have to know, if Artie and I were to ever break up, and I'm lucky enough you're still single…" Brittany put her hand gently on Santana's crossed arms, but they were yanked away.

"Don't," Santana begged, putting up her hand as a wall between the girls.

"I am so yours," Brittany added with a hopeful sincerity. "And proudly so."

"Yeah, and wow." Santana clenched her teeth and sneered, "Who ever thought that being fluid meant you could be so stuck."

Brittany stepped forward and whispered, "Sorry… Don't…" She began to wrap her arms around Santana but was met with hands quickly pushing her away.

"Get off me," Santana scolded. Pain painted on her face as she turned, choking on tears she was too proud to allow to fall.

She was ready to kiss her then...

_So who's hand do I reach for now?_

Santana spent her night crying, sleeping fitfully, or pacing her room. The next morning at school, she dreaded History all morning. It was her first class with Brittany. She just couldn't face her after her rejection yesterday. Santana walked out of her Chemistry class as Brittany walked out of her Spanish class across the hall. Brittany held up her pinkie, offering it to Santana.

Santana simply stared at it, unable to comprehend what to do. She wanted to take it, because of all it represented to them. It was Santana's way of keeping Brittany close, keeping her out of harm's way, while not holding tight enough to hurt, to drag her into something stupid. Santana still wanted to protect Britt, she would. But she couldn't take her pinkie... Not just yet. It hurt too much... She just turned and walked away, taking another way to History, too scared to look back at the hurt on Brittany's face, to see the tears running down her cheeks. She'd never be able to kiss her again...

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Anyway, let me know what you guys thought? Please review! I hope you enjoyed. I love hearing feedback, so please tell me what you liked, didn't like, what I can improve, etc. :)


	2. Chapter 2

_You said you'd always need me there by your side_

Santana recalled when they had to choose between Glee and cheerleading, the time Brittany was going to be shot out of the rocket. Yeah, Quinn had been the one to officially make the choice, but Santana had seen look in Britt's eyes and wondered what she was thinking. Later, on the bus to the Glee competition,she had explained.

"I need you, San. I need you right by my side. I don't cheer as well when we're far apart, and you couldn't be there with me in the cannon. You're happier in Glee, and I want to be right by your side for that, because I alway need you there by my side."

_But now I'm just along for the ride_

Now they were on their way to yet another Glee competition, but this time Santana sat all alone. Brittany was over near Artie, in his special place on the bus. Santana knew the team needed her, but that didn't make her feel any better. She wanted Brittany to need her the way she used to. She just felt like she was along for the ride, she wasn't really essential to the action anymore. Life was going by without her, and all she could do was sit and watch.

_You said you'd always be my shoulder to cry on_

Santana remembered the day she realized she was gay, the panic in her throat. It was the summer before freshman year, and they were at one of the 'cool kid' parties. Being Cheerios, they were now expected to have a little too much to drink and flirt with all the new football boys there. Santana didn't know why, but she didn't want to. She hadn't had that much to drink, accidentally 'forgetting' her drinks in different places to make it seem like she'd drank the full cups. She watched from afar as Britt and Quinn danced together, a little too together for Santana's liking. As she was making her way over to dance with them (in between them), Noah Puckerman grabbed her ass. Spinning around, she was prepared to bite his head off, before seeing who it was. She simply smiled and said "Congrats on making the team, Noah."

"It's Puck now," he said, a little too much venom in his voice. Clearly, he'd had too much to drink already. Grabbing Santana's wrist, he pulled her in close to him. She could smell the alcohol on his breath as he ran his hands up her sides. Before she knew what was happening, he pulled her roughly against him by her waist and was kissing, attempting to shove his tongue down her throat. She wanted to scream, but the sound got caught in her throat, causing her to choke. Thankfully, before things could go any further, Britt came bounding over with a light comment. She wanted to know if they could leave now so they could go to the park and feed the ducks before they were all asleep.

Taking the excuse, Santana walked away from Puck without a backward glance, feeling shaken and disgusted. They hopped in Santana's car and drove to the pond. Santana had a loaf of bread in her backseat for situations just like these, as they were more frequent than you might think. As Brittany crouched near the waterfront and broke off bits of bread to lure ducks in, Santana took a seat on a nearby bench and stared out over the water. Suddenly, Brittany heard a sob break free from her best friend's chest. Pushing through the crowd of ducks around her, she rushed to Santana's side, pulling her against her in a tight embrace.

"What's wrong, Sanny? What is it?" Brittany asked, confused and concerned.

"I'm gay," muttered Santana brokenly, as fresh sobs racked her body.

"So?" Brittany asked, genuinely perplexed. Santana laughed and just gave her a look, attempting to convey that being gay meant losing friends, family, and popularity. Being gay meant being ridiculed, mocked, harassed. Sometimes even beaten, raped, or killed. Being gay meant being miserable, as Santana saw it.

"You love women; I love ducks. Why does it even matter?" Brittany asked, a large grin on her face. Santana couldn't fight the smile forming on her lips. She wiped away her tears and pulled Brittany in close, truly lucky to have such an open-hearted best friend. "By the way, I may love ducks, and men, but I certainly love women as well," Brittany whispered, with a hint of mischief in her voice.

That night was their first kiss.

_But now I don't know who to rely on_

Now Santana was in tears again, and again it could be blamed on her deviant sexuality. This time, though, she didn't have Brittany there to hold her close and tell her that it was okay. Brittany had chosen Artie over her. The cripple!

It was her own fault, she knew. That didn't make it any easier, or hurt any worse. As soon as Brittany had left to join the others in the auditorium, she had run. Literally, run. She just confessed all of her true feelings and the woman she was in love with had rejected her for a stupid boy! She ran all the way home, fighting off the tears with the pumping of her legs. It was the best she knew how to do. However, once she arrived home and stopped to unlock the door, it all caught up with her. The tears started streaming down her face, her thighs burned, her lungs heaved for air.

She managed to make it to the couch in her living room, her legs shaking so bad they could barely support her. She didn't know what to do. Her parents were gone for the weekend, Brittany was with Artie, Quinn would want to do emotional shit... Puck! She called Puck, asking him to come over. He knew she was upset, could sense the urgency and desperation behind her words. It had been almost a year since they had done this; she had been trying to be better. Without Brittany, all of that hard work was lost…

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Puck showed up half an hour later with a six-pack of cheap beer and a small plastic bag in his back pocket. After downing a beer each and commiserating on how difficult women are to understand or to please, Puck finally showed Santana the marijuana. She was hesitant at first - Britt didn't like it when she smoked. Fuck it! she thought, realizing that Brittany wasn't around and was the reason she was in this mess in the first place, so why did it even matter?

She smoked it. She clung to it as if it were the oxygen keeping her alive. Puck might have been concerned on a different night, but Lauren had been giving him hell lately too, so he was a bit too horny to care. When Santana was flying high as a kite, he made his move. He kissed her. Not just an innocent kiss though, he grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her to him, tangling his hand in her long black hair. She was too high to mind much. She didn't respond, didn't kiss him back; she didn't fight him off either. She let him continue; a kiss led to making out, led to his hands exploring her body. By the time she was coming down from her high, their clothes were on the floor and he was pumping inside her. She attempted to push him off, but found that she had no strength in her muscles from the run earlier. She tried to say no, to convey to him what she wanted, but he just shoved his tongue in her mouth and interpreted her attempts at speech as groans of pleasure. Eventually, he finished and pulled out, getting off the bed to get dressed.

That's the thing about Puck: For hook-ups, he fucked and left. Santana just lay on the bed, tears in her eyes, feeling dirty and used. She didn't want to have sex with Puck; that wasn't why she called him. She was done lying about who she was or about her true feelings. That's what today was supposed to be about. What just happened only proved to her that she needed to be honest with the outside world as well, not just Britt. Maybe then, she'd have somebody to turn to now. Maybe then, this wouldn't have happened; she wouldn't feel violated and defiled and used and dirty.

She was alone now, completely and utterly. She had pushed away anyone who could come and save her. Sore, dirty, and exhausted, she curled up in a ball and cried herself into a fitful sleep.


End file.
